Being A Better Mom in Hindsight
My firstborn and only son will go to high school ONE LAST DAY tomorrow. It will be the last time I check on him to be sure he’s awake and then hug him before he goes out the door. It’s been an exciting, joyful and tiring journey for both of us. I say both of us because, his dad, while in the picture works long hours and 50% of the time he’s out of town working.
I’ve essentially been a single mom. The silver lining is that I haven’t had to work full-time to support my kids financially. This left me with the resource of time and energy to focus on being the best mom I could be to my son.
Considering I grew up without a mom in my life I think I did ok. My son is the joy of my life. I could not be more grateful for the blessing of him in my life.
Now that I’m here, I’ve got that hindsight of what I wish I could have done better as he was growing up. I want to share with my son when he has kids so he can be a better parent that I was. That’s the best legacy I can think of the pass on to him.
Family is the treasure of life.
My 5 Lessons
1. Having a missing Mom or Dad has no impact, at all, on the outcome of your kids. All kids need is unconditional love and support. They need to know that SOMEONE is there for them at all times. Especially when they totally screw up. All they need is a person they can trust to pick them up, hug them, and say, “ Keep going. You can do this!” Period.
2. Trust that a kid knows their own heart. Listen to what they think about their problem or situation and how they want to solve it. Then and only then help them come up with other options. Most importantly, let them choose the first approach they want to try. Then, if or when it doesn’t work, suggest using another option. Kids are wiser and hearts are purer than we give them credit.#
3. Put a Sh*t Sandwich on the daily menu. They are learning so they will fail, a lot, every day, all day long. It’s part of the process. Dig deep to give credit for what they do right before you point out what could have been done better and end each “talk” with a statement of encouragement.
4. Expect and believe the best of them. The outside world can be a rough place with people in authority with pessimistic outlooks judging them. Be their champion, give them the benefit of the doubt and stand by them. They want you to be proud of them.
5. Growing hearts are tender and unshielded. Know that your words, the stink eye, and other rejection from you can damage them deeply and for a very long time. No matter how old they are, always think of them as a toddler. Give them that same level of understanding, forgiveness, and gentleness. They are trusting you to guide and nurture them into the best human beings they can be. And isn’t that what you want for them too?
Learning to be a better mom
The journey of being a mom after being raised without a mom is what led me to earn a masters degree in family sociology and to becoming a certified life coach. I’ve spent hours and hours studying and observing what the best moms of the best kids do to raise well-adjusted adults.
Most moms have got this down but a few get bogged down at times and know they can make changes to get a life with their kids that they really want. Those are the moms I coach.
You don’t know unless you ask
If you are curious about this, grab a free 15-minute call on my calendar, https://HeyMissEllie.as.me and ask me about it. If I can’t answer your question, I’m happy to point you in the right direction to find it. I know what it’s like to live with questions about how to be a better mom. It’s my mission and purpose to share what I’ve learned.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash